Dear Mr. Umpire,
Please don’t feed the Red Sox. They are animals and they are hungry. They have been on the prowl lately and feeding them will only encourage them.
The Rays knew that those Sox weren’t going to stay docile all season. However they are willing to scrape and claw through every game to try to keep their edge. So why not let them have a fair fight? The Rays hitters have their own issues, they don’t need you to shoot them with a tranquilizer! A couple of them are already playing dead when they come up to bat. Seriously, it’s painful.
You are aware of the boundaries right? It is only a strike if it crosses over the plate. Those white lines on either side are outside, not strike territory. Kapeesh?
James Shields pitched a hell of a game without any of your help. Believe me if you wanted to help someone it should have been him, he hardly ever gets run support.
If the Red Sox should go on a tear, I will definitely blame their unleashing on you. Oh and if we should ever meet on the street, I have personal space issues, so don’t think your going to be all up in my face mister.
Good day Sir. I said good day!
