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Game 123 - Rays vs. Rangers
By Jessica | August 18, 2008
Balfour’s Percy impersonation was not amusing!
First, sorry no post on Saturday’s game. There was really not too much to say about it. It was kinda like tit for tat. Garza shut them out and so they returned the favor.
However last night the Rays won another series. That is so groovy. You know what else is groovy? BJ Upton. He knows that groove is in the heart! He came back and went three for five. I hope he keeps stickin it to the man.
Also congrats to Kazmir for making it through six innings this time. Now that your not afraid of six, how about shooting for seven next time.
The ninth inning of this game was not amusing. Did anyone else read Navi’s body language. He was getting so pissed. You can’t even see his face, but I’m sure it said “C’mon throw a strike already!”
I think Mr. Balfour should visit the same baseball guru that worked wonders for Matt Garza.
Guru: What can I do for you Mr. Balfour.
Balfour: I was hoping you could help me like you did Matt.
Guru: Well son you must help yourself, but maybe I can give you some guidance.
Balfour: That would be great.
Guru: First I must tell you that your case is far more serious than Mr. Garza’s.
Balfour: Aw, bloody hell mate.
Guru: Wanna go to Outback steakhouse to finish this session?
Balfour: Thanks, but I just want this to be over.
Guru: Part of your problem stems from you trying to overcompensate for your very unfortunate last name.
Balfour: Really, it doesn’t bother me.
Guru: It’s the underlying cause for all of this.
Balfour: I don’t even know what the problem is. My boss just said I need to see you.
Guru: Have you not ever watched video of yourself pitching?
Balfour: Yeah sure, so?
Guru: Did you not notice the strutting around?
Balfour: No.
Guru: Or the puffing of the cheeks?
Balfour: I’m just breathing.
Guru: Like a blowfish! What’s with the swearing?
Balfour: I’m pumping myself up. Visualizing the batter as the enemy.
Guru: You’re not visualizing, your vocalizing. If your not careful, your going to get your ass kicked. I mean you can jaw jack Josh Hamilton because he’s found Jesus, but Milton Bradley will hurt you. Have you seen him break a bat. Imagine your the bat. What’s with swearing at Michael Young? That girl at Her Rays thinks he’s the cherry on top of baseball goodness. You are free to strike him out, but being mean to him is not tolerated.
Balfour: Uh, okay.
Guru: What’s with the necklaces?
Balfour: I don’t know I just think they look cool.
Guru: Wrong my friend.
Balfour: Am I doing anything right?
Guru: Yes, you see all of these annoying qualities you have, and trust me they are very annoying, they can all be overlooked if you just strike these mothers out.
Balfour: Really.
Guru: Really. When you start walking people, imagine Rays fans throwing boomerangs but they all come back at you.
Balfour: Whoa.
Guru: This is not a reason to get more pumped up out there son. You need to chillax.
Balfour: You mean like relax?
Guru: Duh. Scott Kazmir has something that could help you with this. Just make sure to bring a bag of Doritoes to the bullpen with you.
Balfour: Thanks I think.
Guru: Peace out.
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